Moonset Music's blog

5 Reasons Why You're Band Will NEVER Be Famous

Here at Moonset Music, lists are not a huge deal.  I know in the blog-i-verse, lists are bread and butter, but here there is a striving for the not so common.  I am strange, thus my blog shall be.  However, Moonset Music (I need to quit referring to myself in the third person and by by screen name) also knows that its readership, all 3 of you, may like lists, so Moonset Music is happy to oblige on occasion.  However, these will not be your standard lists like "Moonset Music's Top 10 Albums of All Time", or "The Top 10 Songs That Make Me Want To Vomit".  In that spirit, Moonset Music's first list shall be the 5 Reasons Why You're Band (or mine for that matter) Will NEVER Be Famous, followed by suggestions on how to deal with these unfortunate opinions disguised as facts.  Let us commence:

5. Your band does not play music that sounds like The All American Rejects, Nickelback, The Fray, or insert generic popular band name here _____________.  Therefore, the record companies do not want to waste time on you.  What you should do:  Keep on playing, at the very least you develop a small, but rabid following.

4. Your band does play music that sounds like The All American Rejects, Nickelback,  The Fray, or insert generic popular band name here _______________.  However, the record companies already have these bands, and a few others that sound very similar, so they do not need you.  What you should do:  Well ,there are a few options. A. You are totally unoriginal and should just quit. B. Turn into a covers band and play high schools, small colleges, frat parties, and VFW dances. C. Get original and see suggestion following reason #5.

3. You are already living like a "rock star" shooting dope, drinking booze by the bottle instead of by the glass, and making it with easily impressed members of the opposite sex (or of the similar sex, no judgment here).  However, you still live with your mother, and your band mates are disgusted by your behavior because they are holding back until they get famous, which they won't because you are already living like a "rock star". What you should do: Well, first, move away from mama, stay away from hard drugs, if you're going to drink by the bottle at least get the smaller size, and WRAP IT UP, because one night stands may be over by morning, but syphilis lasts a life time.

2. Corporate radio and record labels.  A huge percentage of radio stations are controlled by a handful of companies.  On top of that, there may be a lot of indie labels out there, but the big labels with the machinery to promote you are controlled by a small handful of companies.  Why does this matter to you?  Well, businesses are around to make money, not spend it on signing and promoting the latest sensation from (insert generic American city here)_______________. What you should do: Well, not much for you to do here chief.  Again, just do your thing, play for fun, get the word out yourself, develop above mentioned cult, I mean set of rabid fans, and get in touch with the left side of the dial.

1. And the top reason your band will NEVER be famous is...You are purposefully trying to get famous, duh.  What you should do: See the above suggestions, and remember have some fun.  I mean, it's music!

Of Laughing, Crying, and Shaking Your Ass

Anybody can laugh or cry.  It takes a real cold heart to not be able to do those two basic expressions of emotion. But, have you ever watched a skinny white rock & roll guy try to dance?  It ain't always pretty, and at least for me, it isn't always easy.  And see, that's what music gives me though.  Anything can make me laugh or cry, express emotion, but only good music can make me want to get up and shake.  Or just sit and shake depending on my state of mind and the level of substances flowing through me.  And the first artist that made me want to shake in some bizarre kind of primal movement was not The Beatles, who I love, or The Stones, or Zep, or even the Ramones, it was Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground.

I went to high school in this little town of about 2000 people, there were 200 of us in the school.  We were isolated, not like Alaska or Eastern Montana isolated, but isolated the same. I didn't play sports and I had no desire to drill oil, what I loved was Rock & Roll.  And this was the time when MTV still played music, I know funny but true.  It was the whole "grunge revolution" which I was digging.  But I was also way into U2, Acthung Baby!  So I bought this single of the song "One" on a trip to somewhere on the edge of nowhere, and there was a B-side (I know, what's a B-side, right)  called "Satellite of Love", written by this cat named Lou Reed.  Well, if he was good enough for Bono, then who the hell am I to question that? 

So, I convinced my pops to let me get a CD of the cat Lou Reed from BMG CD club or something (damn, I keep dating myself here), and I got this disc, Walk on the Wild Side: The Best of Lou Reed.  To say I was slightly disturbed would be an understatement, but it was okay, because at 16 who isn't already a little disturbed.  This was transvestites and drugs, and some chick named Sweet Jane, and I dug it.  So, again I am dating myself, we had no internet in this town, so I had to go to the little community college library to find out some info on this fella Lou Reed.  So, he worked with Bowie, sang about drugs, Rachel was a dude, and there was this band called the Velvet Underground.

This is where the dancing comes in.  Try getting the fucking Velvet Underground in a little isolated oil patch in the middle of nowhere Colorado.  Not easy.  "Heroin" was never a top 40 hit that would be played on the oldies station you know?  But, I succeeded in a very limited fashion, nickle and dime my way into the Velvets world with "Venus in Furs", "Sweet Jane", "White Light/White Heat", and "Rock & Roll"  Now, I had attempted to dance at the school functions when I wasn't holding up the wall.  I usually had to be under the influence of something though, so I didn't care how idiotic I looked, but dammit, I tried.  But see, when I heard Jinny's story, about being five years old and bored, with that beat...yeah, she found that New York station and couldn't believe it...man that is a crazy beat, do you hear the guitars just keeping the beat too?...ooooh she started dancing to the FINE FINE music...oh shit, I'm dancing, I think I'm gonna hurt myself...her life was saved by Rock & Roll!...that's it, I don't care if I'm going to get hurt, I have found my savior!!!!  I was communicating with my soul, and I couldn't stop.  The beating of drums was driving my body in crazy spastic movements, and I rewound it over and over, and the result was the same.  Man, I couldn't even get the same results with substance usage, this was the ultimate high!  I'm bouncing off the walls, jumping on the bed, hitting that falsetto with Lou, and it was alriiiight, yeah it was alriiight, just watch me now...

Needless to say, if anybody had been watching I would have probably been locked away right then and there.  Cause like I said before, a skinny white rock & roller dancing, is not a pretty thing.  And picking up afterward was a drag.  But like the song said, it was alright, because despite all the amputations you could go out and dance to that rock & roll station.  Now, how many people can tell you that the Velvet Underground saved their life, usually it's this crazy band turned me on to some weird shit and I will never be the same, hell I may not make it out alive.  I just say a little word of thanks that I discovered "Rock & Roll" before I got hip to "Sister Ray", that could've been a disaster.